Managing anger is not easy: this is why I decided to provide you with practical tips and strategies to learn how to control it. Usually anger – or frustration – arises without warning when one of our weaknesses is touched or when we find ourselves in a situation that generates in us a sense of impotence, disappointment or opposition. It is, therefore, an unsettling feeling, which blazes in us and impels us to perform actions or to pronounce uncontrolled and decomposed words. There is no scope of our life free from anger: at work, in a couple’s life, in a family, in friendships, in sport or in any other social dynamic. Every opportunity is a potential source of frustration and anger , even circumstances of “little”, which should never ever be taken on the personal and instead too often make us angry: for example, the traffic, the incessant rain, the queue at the supermarket checkouts, the latecomers, the crying baby, the not being able to eat certain foods because they are on a diet, the neighbor’s dog barking, the cell phone battery draining too quickly and so on. It is clear that systematically getting angry at trivial things, we end up undermining the quality of our lives; Here because learning to control this type of anger is essential to feel better, feel more serene and have the clarity to face any situation with a resolute and effective approach.
Obviously, there is also a “good” anger: the one that pushes people to get busy to change things, the one that pushes the oppressed peoples from the dictatorship to rebel or that – more generally – arises from injustices and turns into force, passion and positive energy. But the anger that is addressed in this article is only the negative, which concerns the small and inevitable “unforeseen” of everyday life or the most common social and interpersonal dynamics.
The stature of a man is measured by the stature of things that make him angry.
How to manage anger: 15 techniques to keep calm
After the due premise, we now enter into the following: a series of practical tips and techniques for controlling anger are given below . I recommend: do not let the anger take over you and influence your behavior; rather, try to assimilate the ideas that you will read in this article so that – when the time comes – you will have the right strategies to implement.
# 1. You deliberately decide if and when you get angry
Here I already imagine your opposition in reading this suggestion. I’m sure you are thinking something like, “Mica can be controlled anger ?!” . And instead I tell you that it is very possible: any path of personal growth is based precisely on the control of one’s own mind (conscious) . You can very well decide what to think in this moment and at any other time. The head of your thoughts you! Of course, if you find yourself in an unexpectedly unpleasant situation, the mind does not remain impervious and negative thinking takes over. But this does not mean that you can not then modify it, does not mean that you must remain powerless before the thoughts that invade your mind.Analyze the situation with lucidity, triggering an active mental process of (self) assessment: the circumstance or the person who determined your anger is really so important to ruin your day? Imagine the same episode revised years later: it would still be so important or would become irrelevant for you, if not even funny? Here, try to get out of the connection with the present: it is not that something must necessarily be considered important just because you live it in the present! Relativizing events helps redefine their importance. Also, in order for you to set your mind not to focus on anger, you must train yourself to chase away negative thoughts: if you often think about bad things, “give us a cut”. How? The next time you have a negative thought you say “ENOUGH!” . That’s right: say it aloud or in your mind whenever frustration assaults you.
#2. Write a list
If you are facing a period of your life in which you feel particularly angry and frustrated, one way to deal with anger is to compile a list that includes the beautiful things you have on one side and the things you miss on the other . In writing this list you must be honest with yourself and, without comparing with what others possess, include both material things and immaterial things such as feelings, family, friendships, animals, etc. Then make a balance between the “assets” (the good things you already own) and the “passive” (the things you miss): we bet that the list of beautiful things is the longest? If so, take some time to reflect and understand that the anger you feel is unjustified and unjust . I am sure that in your life there is no shortage of positive things; therefore you start to recognize them, to train yourself to see the “beauty” that surrounds you and you will certainly free your anger .
# 3. You smile
Here is a simple and immediate advice to control anger: smile! As I mentioned before, when you find yourself in a situation that can induce anger, try to see it from the outside, with a certain detachment and as if it happened years later: maybe it takes “ridiculous” or “grotesque” and laugh above is the best way to drive away the negative emotional burden.
# 4. Change your language
The words we use are very powerful ; not only do they serve to communicate to the outside but they also influence our inner world . For example, imagine you find yourself in a crowded place and that your neighbor is tramping on a foot. In this case you could say: “Damn! Do more careful where you put your feet the next time, and what the heck! “ . Or you could react differently, for example by saying: “Wow, we are very tight. Do not worry anyway, it can happen to everyone! “ . Do not you think that the two sentences trigger two different emotional reactions? In the first case one would feed one’s own anger; in the second case it would be blurred. therefore,think of those terms that you usually use when you get angry and replace them with kinder and positive words : this approach will help you stay calm.
# 5. Before externalizing your anger, count up to “ten”
When we are angry, we often behave too impulsively and say or do things that we end up regretting. So, the next time you realize you are prey of anger, hold back and take a step back and take some time to reflect on the situation . A “we’ll talk about it later with more calmness” is the wisest approach you can use to deal with anger , also because often enough to smooth it out you just have to wait a little while. If you are experiencing a particularly frustrating moment, take a break, a holiday or otherwise a sabbatical; in short, unplug it!
# 6. Think of catastrophic scenarios
The next time you get angry at a “nonsense” try to imagine serious situations and much worse than the one that is causing you frustration. This is certainly a bizarre method to control anger, but it works: it is important to give proper weight to the things that happen to us and realize that many circumstances for which we are angry in reality are insignificant compared to real problems .
# 7. Act and keep busy with stimulating commitments
Anger often occurs when we passively take life instead of activating ourselves to realize our dreams and desires. The most frustrated people are those who live a life that does not reflect their expectations , those who can not say “no”and who are easily influenced by others or events. Becoming a master of one’s own destiny by taking responsibility for one’s actions is surely a great way to deal with anger. Keep yourself actively engaged in achieving your goals or dedicated to the activities that most thrill you; in a nutshell, get busy!
# 8. Talk to others
If there is something that makes you angry and undermines your serenity, open up and talk to others. You can talk to the interested parties facing the situation openly or with friends, family or anyone who can play a role of “adviser” for you: the important thing is to look for a calm comparison, rather than close in on themselves brooding the anger .
I was angry with my friend. I told her and the anger ended. I was angry with the enemy. I did not talk about it, and the anger increased.
# 9. Surround yourself with the right people
If the anger you feel is induced by the people around you, it would be desirable for you to change your surroundings by surrounding yourself with positive people , capable of stimulating you, and sharing your own values, thoughts or goals.
# 10. Put yourself in the shoes of others
When we find ourselves in situations that trigger our anger, we immediately point the finger at those who have determined it. This is not a proper approach: before you take it with someone, and let your anger guide your reactions, you should try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, understand why he behaves in a certain way and if all in all he does not have its valid reasons for undertaking those specific actions , which make you so angry. Moreover, before arriving at hasty conclusions, always try to be sure about the behaviors and intentions of others, without making unnecessary conjectures or hypotheses that can only put you in a bad mood .
# 11. Listen to your favorite music
This is a tested method and works great, I guarantee it for direct experience! To manage anger, you can listen to your favorite songs : music is good for your health, mental and physical
# 12. Download stress with sports and meditation techniques
If you live a particularly stressful period that causes you anger, undertake a sports activity by converting your negative emotional load into positive energy. Anyone knows how good it feels after doing a bit of movement: you do not need to be a professional sportsman! Even simple activities like riding a bike, jogging or a quick walk are enough. Equally effective for managing anger are meditation techniques: mindfulness, yoga or autogenic training.
# 13. Change the habits that most stress you
It may happen that the anger we experience depends on routine situations that punctually trigger it. Here: these situations must be changed! For example, when you go to work in the morning, do you often get nervous because of too much traffic? Then very simply change your habit of going to work with the car: you could use public transport, a motorcycle or a bike.
# 14. Avoid comparing yourself to others
One who often compares himself to others undermines his self-esteem and lives with additional weight, which causes anger and frustration. So, focus on yourself, capitalize on your uniqueness and bring out your hidden talents without useless and counterproductive comparisons ! Never want to be someone else; rather it always wants to be the best version of yourself !
# 15. Get enough sleep
Who sleeps little or bad is often nervous and tends to get angry easily, even for small things. Sleep quality affects a lot of your mood and your health, so if you want to manage anger, make sure you sleep well and have enough hours to feel rested and calm .
If you commit yourself to follow the advice above, without letting your anger cloud your mind, you will be able to develop your self-control. Clearly, this does not mean that situations will no longer make you angry, but surely you will face them with more calm, relaxation and serenity .